The most important thing FEEL4 has to offer for fathers going through divorce
Being a father is the greatest gift you can experience in life.
There is nothing better than waking up in your home knowing your family is around you. There is a special smile and feeling too knowing that when you have toddlers they may hear you waking up and run into to see you. Even thinking about this makes me smile.
But all too often these days along comes divorce and it inevitably changes everything.
One day you can be at home with your family, the next you are not.
For fathers this tends to be the case more so. I am not wanting to get into a battle of the sexes here, I am just pointing out that generally speaking the mother (for all the equality this world shouts about) seems to get the automatic right to be with the children.
Like anything in life, without being the person who experiences the bad end of a deal (there is a better saying but I just can't think of one), you can never fully understand the gut wrenching pain and torment someone goes through. Especially when it is to do with not being able to see your children.
To the point of this post...
For me practising FEEL4 is what kept me strong. It gave me positive paths to focus on accomplishing. Most importantly, abiding by the code of conduct I prevented myself at emotional times of doing things that I would have regretted and would have had a negative effect on my daughter.
Therefore I want to help those fathers who find themselves in the painful position of not being able to see their child/ren due to divorce.
I want to encourage you to promise yourself that you will always take good actions even when feeling very grieved and emotional.
I recommend your main FEEL4 path be as follows:
FEEL4 PATH - FOR DIVORCED FATHERS
FOCUS
I promise to focus on putting the happiness of my child/ren first and will never bring them into any negative discussions I am feeling about their mother.
ENERGIZE
I feel energized to stick to my focus because I want my child/ren growing up feeling loved by both parents. I want them to feel like they are not part of any turmoil. I want them to look back on their youth with happy memories. I feel energized knowing that I kept my dignity and placed the love of my child/ren above any pain I have gone and will continue to go through. I feel energized to see what an amazing adult my child/ren will grow up to be.
ENGAGE & LEARN
I will engage with these activities to stick to accomplishing my focus:
1. I will never talk badly about their mother no matter what I know about any situation I have experienced.
2. I will be the best father I can be, supporting my child/ren whenever they need it.
3. I will put my child/ren first whenever it feels like taking negative actions will cause them anguish.
I will learn that in the heat of the moment, when emotions are running high, it can be easy to say something negative and every time the feeling of regret at the effect it has on my child/ren will make me feel terrible. Therefore I will learn that staying a good and kind person trumps anything bad that my divorce puts me through and ultimately will enable my child/ren to grow up as best they can in the circumstances.
If you are literally going through a divorce please think of this advice as you yourself coming back in time to offer such wisdom. The happiness of your child/ren will get you through this. Even if for the rest of your life you have to deal with issues like your children being turned against you, this is one of the hardest things as a father to face BUT remember - if you always take good actions - if you always offer your child/ren love - then you will remain one of the best fathers in the world and nobody can take that title away from you.
With the BIGGEST sincerity, please take care of yourself today, all is going to turn out fine in the end.
Author: Cn
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