The super R that gets you through the toughest times

Although FEEL4 is very much about natural zen and flow it does also have it's Gary Vaynerchuk no BS side.

No "BS" in the sense that FEEL4 is not about trying to pull any "self improvement" happy-clappy blindfold over your eyes. Working through the FEEL4 formula won't always make you feel like you are skipping through fields of candy floss and dancing with magical unicorns. Sometimes it will :)

No ... FEEL4 is very much about keeping it real. At times it is about taking some tough actions. Especially so when you are walking down a FEEL4 path that is based on a pain you have experienced. Heartbreak is a big hurdle to get over.

Life gives you no promises that every day will be perfect

In order for you to feel contentment in life you have to consciously accept that life can be extremely tough. There are no fairy tale happy endings like you see in Disney movies especially when it comes to romantic relationships.

In fact what they should teach kids in schools is that life is simply about facing challenges and lessons should be given to equip them with the skills they need to be able to tackle those challenges as and when they occur.

Divorce is an example of the reality of modern times. The fact is relationships can and do often break down. There is never any guarantee that because you make wedding vows your partner will uphold them over time.

Even though my parents divorced, incredibly, looking back, I was so naive when my divorce happened. I just didn't think it could happen to me.

My divorce wrecked me. The pain it gave me felt truly unbearable at times but that was, in part, how FEEL4 came about. I like solving problems and so grew an obsession with pain and trying to understand how a human mind could overcome it. My pain humbled me beyond belief.

I believe when you experience a life changing pain that it builds a comradery with others who are experiencing the same. It makes you want to help anyone else going through a tough situation.

Throughout my divorce I kept a diary of what emotional mindsets helped me cope most with pain. There was one mindset in particular that taught me to help redefine my pain into something more positive. I'd like to share it with you now. It is the big R.

RESOLVE

To understand a little about the dynamics of the word "Resolve" here are the Oxford Dictionary's various definitions:

1. Settle or find a solution to (a problem or contentious matter)

1.2. (of a symptom or condition) heal or subside.

2. Decide firmly on a course of action.

4. (of something seen at a distance) turn into a different form when seen more clearly.

All of these are great definitions of what you need to do with your pain.

I found that many other people who went through divorce would take their pain and turn it into anger. They used this anger in the courtrooms (if things got that far) and sometimes they used it physically (in a bad way). I heard of one man who ran a car into his ex wife's front room he was so angry.

Anger is not the way. Anger should be transferred into providing you with an unbreakable resolve which can be applied to achieving good goals. Goals that benefit you and others.

My experience made me tougher. My resolve turned the pain I had been dealt into a super power which would enable me to succeed wherever I focused.

If you are experiencing pain right now and you want to feel something else. I recommend you start writing down some positive goals which you can aim to achieve.

Be positive and innovative.

For example, if someone you know has died of cancer, do not keep falling back into melancholy memories and reaching for alcohol, no, as soon as your grieving is over make your loss the very thing that will lead you to creating the biggest charity in the world. Raise as much as you can so that a cure can be found and nobody else will experience what you did.

There is a natural bonus!

The greatest thing about using your resolve to get things done is that the journey to making your goals happen will automatically mix with "Time" (Time is a healer) and both will naturally help you cope with pain. You will come out the other side feeling better.

In other words, the pain that once brought you down becomes the very thing that rises you up toward something better.

Everyone can be super strong if they resolve to be so. Use this power wisely.

Author: Cn

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