Focusing On Dating

Dating can be extremely challenging. Although, the challenging part will depend largely on your relationship experience and what you are looking for. Today I’m going to explain how FEEL4 can help you improve your dating and bring you closer to finding that special someone. So firstly, to anyone who doesn’t yet already know, FEEL4 is an improvement formula based on four easy steps.

STEP 1 - FOCUS What specifically do you need to improve and accomplish (and when)?

STEP 2 - ENERGIZE What things will inspire, motivate and keep you in a healthy state to attain your focus?

STEP 3 - ENGAGE What things do you have to do (and when) to attain your focus?

STEP 4 - LEARN What positive things have you learnt from the previous steps and what can you do next to improve your situation?

These four steps can be applied to evaluating and managing anything. In this case it is dating! When applying FEEL4 to dating the most important thing will be your focus. What is it you are looking for? Generally speaking you should ask yourself whether or not you are looking for the perfect person or whether you are just looking to have fun, to dip your toes in the water and see where life takes you. Let’s take a look at the first one to give you an idea how you can start to examine your own situation and how FEEL4 can improve your chances of finding someone special.

The Perfect Partner (AKA Soul Mate)

Firstly, I know you probably know this but let me restate it just to be sure. There is no such thing as the perfect partner as nobody is perfect. However if you mean to find someone who you get along with and whose friendship is likely to benefit you and last a long time then okay, that is a more likely possibility and one you can focus on finding. So with that in mind, your focus in finding that person could be as follows:

FOCUS: I am focusing on finding someone by the end of the year who I get along with and who I find attractive, someone who will make me a better person.

In FEEL4 you will learn that there are infinity combinations of the focuses you can set yourself. So I appreciate the latter may not suit everyone and it has been made fairly generic to align to the majority rather than the minority of people. Knowing yourself better than I do, you could of course sharpen that focus and add more specific criteria. Such as, eye and hair colour, location, weight, height, hobbies and interests - you get the idea. Adding more detail is very good at narrowing down what actions you may have to take to find them (e.g. if you are looking for someone who likes scuba diving then joining a Scuba Diver dating website is more likely to lead you to that person), but it can also work against you getting out into the dating world sooner and using your instinct to feel your way to the perfect partner. Just bear this in mind when you set your own focus. Sometimes you hear of people who have spent years trying to find the perfect partner and this is usually to do with them having too strict a criteria. So once you have your correct focus you are ready to move on to the next step of the FEEL4 formula. The step which asks you to ENERGIZE yourself to want to take action and engage. For this step you need to ask yourself the obvious question:

What makes me feel excited to want to date?

The answers will depend entirely on you and could be as follows:

1. To have companionship
2. To have sex
3. To be able to laugh with someone
4. To watch Game of Thrones with someone
5. To go out to eat with someone

That list is extremely basic and if you have read the GUIDE TO FEEL4 you will know there are better ways to phrase them (based on your personal desires) so that you feel more urgency and energy running through you whenever you read back through them. Reading back through them is what you are encouraged to do throughout your four step path. By doing so it reignites your passion. You will know if you have done step two correctly because you should be feeling extremely keen to get going. Once you feel that way you are ready for the third step - to ENGAGE! If you can immediately engage with undertaking and achieving your focus then do so. You do not need to do a string of actions if they are unnecessary. In our case though, for the sake of this example, let’s pretend these are the list of actions we need to engage with to achieve our focused outcome:

1. Join a dating website by end of the week
   1. Take some decent photos of me in various places and outfits by end of tomorrow
   2. Search online for advice on writing the perfect dating profile by end of today
   3. Ask a friend to help me write an awesome profile by end of the weekend
2. Join a local club doing something I love by end of the week
3. Speak to friends to see if they know of anyone who is single and would be suitable by end of today

Another recommended tool that FEEL4 encourages is the use of lists. You can already see that this post has used several lists to show you each of the FEEL4 steps. Listing out the actions you have to engage with is a great way to lead yourself down the correct path of what you need to do to see your focus achieved. Can you see point 1.0 leads naturally to points 1.1/1.2/1.3? Once you have your actions listed out it is time to get going and to tackle them. As you do so it is also time to start thinking more seriously about step four of the formula and noting what you LEARN from your experience. Learning is the asset you gain from steps one, two and three and so you must be tuned into always being aware of lessons learnt and how they can positively help you moving forward. So let’s check back in with those three actions that were listed and see how you might add some lessons learnt.

1. Join a dating website by end of the week
   1. Take some decent photos of me in various places and outfits by end of tomorrow
      1. I learnt that I look much better in blue and in outdoor photos.
      2. I learnt that my friend takes better photos than I can.
   2. Search online for advice on writing the perfect dating profile by end of today
      1. I learnt that there is loads of helpful information, all I have to do is ask a search engine.
   3. Ask a friend to help me write an awesome profile by end of the weekend
      1. I learnt that my best friend is invaluable and buying her a thank you gift for taking my photos and helping me edit my profile makes her feel valued.
2. Join a local club doing something I love by end of the week
   1. I learnt that there are no decent clubs in my area and so I am starting one up!
3. Speak to friends to see if they know of anyone who is single and would be suitable by end of today
   1. I learnt that only my best friend truly has the time to help me with this. I learnt I can count on her most.

Lessons learnt are very important to write down because in a year or more you will forget them. If you ever want to go back to dating you will find reading back through them extremely useful and time saving. Writing things down also helps your brain make more sense of them rather than just mulling them over and over again in thought. So there you have it. This just a small glimpse at how FEEL4 can help improve your dating.

Author: Cn

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